Monday, July 25, 2016

The Process

I have tried to write this post several times but I just can't seem to get things down quite right.

I am just so excited about things right now.

The last few years have not been easy. I can't be 100% grateful for the tough things that I have had to go through. I have really had to dig really deep to cope with things in my life. But if because of all those things I have become stronger and a better person then I am grateful to God for carrying me through.

I have never really know what I wanted to do with my life. I always love drawing and telling stories. From a very early age I have wanted to be married and have children. When it came to my final year of school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I applied to become a nurse but did have enough credits (or whatever they call it) to get in and they closed the nursing school that year. There was no one to marry and there was nothing I really felt I could pursue. I decided on taking a year off to do all things I loved to do. I painted, played my guitar and sewed. It was great but I still was looking for my calling. I was looking for my purpose. It was during this time that I fell in love with this really cute guy. Not just in a 'oh he looks nice' kind of way but I just knew I was meant to marry him.

We got married 18 months later a month before my 20th Birthday. A few months into our marriage and thinks got really intense. I learned just what I was willing to fight for and I learned a bit about myself but I also prayed for help a lot. Not many people believed me when I tried to get help and that was really difficult. I learned that I am not ever responsible for the actions of another person. It is not my fault and I am not the cause of someone else's behaviour.

I became a mommy when I was 22. It was the best day of my life. A beautiful baby girl. We sold our house a few months later and moved to New Zealand. We coped on our own for 3 years and in that time had another little girl who had silent reflux. It almost drove me crazy. when she was 8 weeks old I was at the end of my rope. Either there was something wrong with me or there was something up with my baby. When she was diagnosed and given medication things improved greatly. It was around this time that we had quite a few prophetic words spoken over us. From where I was standing I could see none of it. I could not see how God would do any of these things. In those 3 years I had a miscarriage and then fell pregnant with our 3rd daughter. We moved closer to family when I was 20weeks pregnant with her.

She was born a healthy 9lbs 2oz later that year an full 8 days late. At 3 months old she was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. For 8 weeks she wore a harness that kept her legs in a froggy position. Fortunately it was only for 8 weeks and she was rolling and doing funny little things in no time at all.

When she was 10 months I found out that we were expecting our 4th little baby. My family was complete. 4 little girls and a marriage that was really good. What I had always wanted and still do. I would not give it up for anything. There was always something missing though. What was I meant to do once my children were grown and out the house. What was my calling? I was happy if motherhood was it but I had this constant pull that there was even more. I felt not to discard the words spoke over me and my husband.

I started trying to find my place. I may have done it wrong so many times. I chose things I was really not any good at and I had so many things I was carrying on my shoulders. I just couldn't sit and do nothing. I felt called to something big. There were a few things I did right though.

This process so far has been painful and stressful and I am sure that the future won't be all peaches and cream. I know that to live is to learn but I really look forward to it anyway.

As of this moment I am feeling so blessed. I really feel like I have taken a step into my call. I can look ahead and make that 5 year plan.

God uses what the small things you have to do great things. He will always multiply the meager and heal the diseased things,

I am now an author about to publish her first book (this Blog) and working on drawings for an Adult Colouring Book. I have three of my Blog posts published or due to be published in 2 different books and one of my drawings is on the cover of The Word For You Today. 25 000 copies have been mailed out to the whole of New Zealand.

When I think back I look forward to what is to come. The process brought me this far and I know that God will use the next season's process to take me further. I am so in awe and so thankful that God loves me and that He has called me to this new and exciting season.

God will use a process for you too. He will shape your character and strengthen your foundations so that you are prepared for what He has called you to do. Trust Him. He is faithful and trustworthy and really knows what He is doing. He will be with you in the dark and He will help you to switch on the light and He will be with you through the mess and He will celebrate every success with you. In your life you cannot out Party God. He loves you so much and delights in you so much.

I can just see Him right now when I got my copies in my letterbox of the books with my cover on, dancing and clapping His hands seeing how excited I was and still am.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

I Will Trust in You

1 Peter 5:7  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

I am going to write today about surrender. This Blog is called A Walk of Faith and Trust but have I really been trusting God with everything?

Let's see, I have surrendered my call and my gifts to Him. I have kneeled and said take it all and use me Lord as your will be done.

He asks us to give up everything and follow Him and so I did or so I thought. He also says to cast all my cares, worries and burdens on Him and He will give me rest and I thought I had done that but have I really? Have I trusted Him with my gifts, my skills, my sin issues, my offense issues, my relationship issues?

While I was away at a church conference this week I have had times of struggle within my soul but I reached a point where I didn't like what I had become and I really didn't care how God worked in my life to fix it.

Surrender is not what I thought it was. It is not about being broken before God it is about giving everything that isn't yours to carry to Him so He can make you whole. At this point I didn't care about whether I was right or wrong in a matter. I didn't care about how I got this way I was seeking a way out of it. I could've listed all things everyone had done wrong to me or I could ask God to fix me so that I am the person He wants me to be.

You see I got to the point in my life where all the small offenses had piled on and had helped build a wall. I tried to fix myself. I was trying with all my strength to figure out why I was so bad, why I was so wrong and why I was always being picked on. Why did all this bad stuff keep on happening. I was sick of it but mostly I was sick of living with me.

Yeah so people are mean, so what? You cannot please everyone and you cannot make everyone like you but it isn't about that. It is about loving anyway.

I can't do anything in my own strength.  I can only do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I have gotten frustrated with not seeing fruit in my calling. I got frustrated with not seeing what God had called me to come to pass. I strived and did a lot of things to make my call happen but what I didn't realise and what I realise now is that although God has called me to live life big and do amazing things but in order for me to be prepared for my call He was working on my character.

God didn't cause bad things to happen to me but He was watching how I reacted to them. He was building my character. He watches how I love people and my attitude as I spoke to myself about people and situations where things weren't perfect. I could blame so many things and people for the way I turned out and I would be right but what God wants from me is to surrender all these people and situations, all my imperfections and faults and ingrained sins, all my needs and wants, all of it to Him.

Faith comes through hearing and trust comes though surrender and hope is what I receive when I have Faith and Trust in God.

God is a good Father. Do you want to know how good? We have quoted John 3:16 so many times it has almost lost meaning to us. We use it as a way to show non-believers all that Jesus has done on the cross and what they need to do to be saved but read the first part. For God so loved the world. Your Father loves you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son Jesus to reconcile you to Him. Sin kept you apart from Him. That relationship were always meant to have was broken. There was a huge wall of sin between us and our Father. When we surrender our rights to Jesus we are pulling down that wall to our Heavenly Father. Father God loves you so much right now and He wants to see you whole.

If you have an offense or want to hand over some stuff and truly trust Him and allow Him access to work on your character I ask you to bow your head now and hand it all over. Choose a different reaction, action and thought life.

When we give Jesus anything He never leaves it the same He always heals or multiplies. The 5 loaves and 2 fish didn't stay 5 loaves and 2 fish and He doesn't ever make just enough He is a God of abundantly more.

My car has been out of action for 2 months. We got rear-ended on one of our family trips. It should be fixed next week but I handed it over to the panel beaters 3 weeks ago and it still not repaired. Does this mean it will never be repaired? No. Was it going to get repaired if I kept on driving it and never handed of for repair? No. Did I decide after weeks of it not repairing it that  I wasn't going to hand it over I could do I better job and fix it myself? No. Did I park it off and hope that it would magically fix itself over time? No. Then why do we think if we do these things when life bashes us up. Only God can heal your wounds so take them to Him first.

I know that I will probably mess up a few more times in my life but I pray that I will be quicker to surrender every matter to my Father first. That I will only tear down the walls of offense in me and not tear down others or myself.

I pray that God will give you the same revelation He has given me on this. If you feel tormented or cage up by your past and your present habits and offenses then choose today whom you will serve. Are you going to serve your tormentor with your thoughts and attitudes or God?

It is time to surrender our hurt, and our sins and our call to Him. It is time for us to become whole so that we can bring wholeness to others.

No matter what comes your way resolve in your heart to Trust Him because He is busy developing your character so that you will have the capacity for your call.