Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Dreams and visions of things you want to do and see happen don't always work out as planned. It can be very depressing and discouraging.
My dreams haven't changed so much as evolved. I don't have it all figured out exactly but it has to be bigger and more mind blowing than where I am now. It has to be because I simply cannot live what I feel would be a mediocre life for me if I stop dreaming big.
If that means I fail and look like a complete egg, so be it. I got out there and tried something. If I succeed but it morphs into something I didn't expect but it is still a failure, I will press on to the next bright idea. But oh what if I succeed and it is awesome?
Where have I been the last few months? To be honest I have been... struggling. Struggling with failure, mistakes and disappointment almost to the point of quitting dreaming altogether. I have been testing the waters of my dreams and ideas that are constant within me.
I got so angry about finding my calling and my purpose that I was resigning myself to just being a mom and wife forever. (which isn't a bad thing but stopping dreaming is not a good way to live a happy life, it will just make you resentful and bitter)
What is my biggest downfall? Dreaming big, thinking big and jumping in without a thought but guess what these are also my biggest and greatest strength.
This Blog may be in for a bit of and overhaul as I figure out where this path is leading me.
When I started this blog I had so many things running through my mind about what God was saying to me. He is still speaking to me about things but I am reconsidering how I blog about these things or even whether to blog about it at all. Most of my posts have been based on a scripture and what I felt God was saying at the time about that scripture and relating it to what I was going through. This did not mean that I had fully processed or even applied what I wrote but rather that I was putting my thoughts down on "paper" and in doing so hopefully helping someone else in the process.
I am trying to find out where I belong and to do this I have had to take giant leaps into the unknown. Sometimes I leap without considering fully every possible thing that could go wrong and the logistics of it. I kind of hope the idea would carry me through it. Sometimes I say yes to things I really shouldn't for two reasons: 1) to learn something new and see if I like it or can do it and 2) to be nice and provide a service that no one else is doing.
This year I have stepped back and tried to dream less and to leap less but honestly I suck at doing that. I am getting so antsy already.
Exciting stuff is happening with something that I thought was so plain and easy. Something I do for enjoyment that no one is meant to see. I have loads of art that I have fiddled with and perfected or fussed with. Some I hated and others I loved but it wasn't received as well as I had hoped for art I sweated and just about bled over. Some of my art I could not duplicate. My art has come so far in the last year and yet I am laughing so much right now. I think I am turning into a doodle artist. That is right Doodling.
Here I am saying but but Lord? Doodling? Seriously? I was doodling before I took my art course and before I had my eyes opened to see in a new way that caused my art to jump from level 2 to level 6. Now I am doodling again and it is appearing on the cover of a youth devotional magazine and wining tickets and hanging on walls. I have been working so hard to be Leonardo Di Vinci or Vincent Van Gogh, well not exactly being them but having the same standard as them in the realism of their art but in my own style, that I was failing to find my own style.
But there it was right in front of me. I don't disregard what I have learned because I feel it has helped my doodles to improve and helped me develop my own style of doodle art.
I still only have a small idea of where God is leading me. He has given me the desires to dream big, think big and do life big. I want to break the mould of the things that have been done the same way for centuries. I want to introduce the new. I want to wave my brush and pen on the world and watch vibrant colours flood everyone's souls. I want to spread love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, hope through my art. I want to teach that others can do that to and can create something beautiful too.
How this is going to happen I don't know but one step of faith and another step of trust at a time I will walk this path set before me.
My blog content may change or stay the same. I don't really know. I love writing and sharing my heart with you all. I have had this blog for many years now and have gained many lovely followers who read what I write and have been encouraged. But if you would like to see the other side of me that I keep talking about and if you would like to follow my dream all you need to do is like my two pages. Shameless plug I know but this is where I post my updates. So here they are Tamryn de Laborde - Artist and A Walk of Faith and Trust. Make sure to like and follow so that new posts will show up in your newsfeed.
Tell me what your dreams are. God wants us to dream and imagine and create what we see in our mind. It is what He did when He thought of creating you.
Be blessed and have an awesome week.